Just in time for the start of Season 8 on Monday, I looked back at all (some) of the Game of Thrones deaths, ranking how satisfying they were out of 10…
Catelyn and Robb Stark
I don’t think I breathed for at least an hour after this episode ended. And not in a good way. Probably the most shocking death(s) of the entire series.
George R.R. Martin: I’ve run out of terrible things to do with this story, what should I do?
George R.R. Martin:
George R.R. Martin: Got it
Only satisfying when re-watching with a Game of Thrones newbie, so you can joyously exclaim “LOOK HOW MESSED UP THIS SERIES IS” to them. I miss Sean Bean.
A genuinely good guy who died because he refused to bend the knee to that wet wipe Stannis.
She was loyal and great and didn’t deserve to die, especially at the hands of Ramsay.
If you think the sound of a sexy Dornish man’s skull cracking is satisfying, we can’t be friends.
To quote Steve Carrell in The Office: No! God! Please! No!
He genuinely just died peacefully of old age, I didn’t even think old age was a thing you could die of in Game of Thrones.
RUN DIAGONALLY, YOU TINY FOOL.
Sad, but he was old anyway.
Ser Barristan Selmy
A bit nondescript but a nice man nonetheless. Bless him for being the victim of that boring Sons of the Harpy storyline.
I can barely remember her, only that her dying words were that she was happy to be born as a result of incest. Weird flex, but OK.
He was a bit pathetic, but one of the good ones.
The ultimate annoying epitome of I’m nOt LiKe OtHEr gIrLs, but it was sad to see her die in Jon Snow’s arms.
Didn’t care too much about this death, but the meme-payoff has been strong.
Thoros of Myr
He had a shit topknot, but it was sad to see him die beyond the wall fighting for the right side.
The Sand Snakes
Ellaria Sand was a bad-ass and I didn’t want her to die. (Or rot in a cell)
Why does everyone love Khal Drogo? Has everyone forgotted how he raped Daenerys (who had major Stockholm Syndrome)?
“I’m not trying to honor you, I’m trying to get you to run my kingdom while I eat, drink, and whore my way to an early grave.”
She was a jealous fool and falsely testified against Tyrion so her death was pretty satisfying, though she did spend her life being manipulated in the hands of powerful men.
Margaery Tyrell and the High Sparrow
It was sad, but such a bad-ass move from Cersei that you sort of can’t help but enjoy it. Also Margaery was a bit of a gold-digger who liked to marry pubescent boys.
The woman breast fed a nine year old. And was in love with Littlefinger, of all people.
Got killed by a shadow looooooooooool.
When I eventually stop shouting “STUDENTS OUT OF BED!!!” at my TV screen, it is clear that he is a very bad man and murdered some of the best characters. He had to go.
I barely remember this woman except she was a freak in the sheets and got thrown off a rampart by Theon.
Little shit. Taken off a point because he’s a child and don’t want to look too heartless.
His death was a bit of a CRAPPY situation, you could say.
Look, I know he was a total prick, but he was raised by Robert Baratheon and Cersei, for god’s sake, what do you expect? His death was fun until he literally turned purple and started foaming, and then I felt a bit sick.
A horrible traitor who deserved to die, but it probably would have been more satisfying if he had been avenged by the Starks, not stabbed by Ramsay.
No charisma, literally burnt his daughter alive. Go on then, Brienne, finish him off.
Mirri Maz Duur
Alexa, play Little Mix’s “Black Magic.”
A CROWN FOR A KING. One of the coolest and most underrated deaths.
I have no qualms with the murder of a serial rapist.
Watching a paedo getting stabbed in the eyes: top quality satisfaction levels.
The build of up Sansa and Arya pretending to be feuding and then “How do you plead, Lord Baelish?” had me SCREAMING. His splutters of disbelief and then begging and then his throat being slit was the perfect end to this slimy, awful character.
Devoured by dogs at the hands of the woman he abused was the greatest end the biggest villain.